"Break Down" by Robby (2004/06/26)
Here I am... all alone again
You don't see me, and it's killing me inside
I want you with me... but you're gone, I see
And you left me without saying a goodbye
So empty I feel, as if nothing was real
And I'm losing my damned mind
Here I am... with dark thoughts again
And I'm crying even harder deep inside
So, I'm at my end... knowing this won't mend
When I found out that this last year was a lie
Your diary was shared, as if you don't care
When I read it, I was ready just to die
(c)
There is nothing left to say
Nothing left to heal this pain
Wish to die before I wake
No way to save me from this break - down
dedicated to Tina (Tanglez): thanks for this severe betrayal of my complete love and trust in you. i wish you had told me upfront you have been with someone else instead of me finding your online diary. this was devastating to me in every way possible. you really had me fooled... for over a year it seems. i'm never going to be the same again. i hope you are happy.
to my dmusic friends: i don't know what i'm going to do at this point. everything has taken a drastic toll on me the last 5 months, now topped off with finding out about my g/f. i'm seriously in trouble with the court for finances now, and may end up in jail if they won't help out just a little... the fucking system sucks. still haven't been able to earn any money since my wrist isn't getting much better anymore... i think there is a problem the doc's didn't find before. i'll see the doctor again on july 1st. i really hope this doesn't leave me handicapped somehow the rest of my life. losing my music would be the end of me for sure.
i may be around, i may not. nothing is certain for me anymore. if not, thanks to the friends i have made here the last several months. later...
Robby
update: 2004/06/26 - 11:41pm
i'm not going to change what i wrote up top as it was very relevent to that moment, but an amendment is needed now. i'm actually feeling much better than i thought i would be tonight. i don't know if it's the shock and i'm still numb, or something else. i guess it's partly the fact that i feel relieved to finally know, that i have to move on now. writing a new song to express myself was a great healer also. it felt good to play my acoustic guitar again, even with a bad hand... it's been too long. (this is the first time i'm happy it wasn't my left wrist i broke. weird, huh?)
as much as last night hurt, i can't hate Tina nor ever will. yes, i'm bitter for an obvious reason, but she was here for me during one of the absolute worst times of my life: the passing of my dad. i'm probably way too nice, but i would rather remember the good things. i will still be her friend if she ever contacts me again.
but mostly right now, i have to thank a very special woman i have come to know these last few weeks. she put everything aside last night, including her family, to help me. i may not be here right now if it wasn't for her, so i owe her everything.
thank you, doris. you are an incredible, sincere, and most loving person. i couldn't have a better friend and companion in my life right now. you make me feel special again, and that i'm really wanted in somebody's life. much love to you for being this most wonderful, caring woman that you are. ilu
